I'm 14 years old. I am a freshman at my local public high school. And I am lost. Rewind to about a year and a half ago; I was preparing for my first day of 8th grade, and I was nervous. I didn't know what to expect, to be honest. I went to my first hour class and I was pleased with the teacher and my fellow classmates. My next class was similar, and my anxiety was slowly slipping away. And then... and then... I walked down the hallway, the North hallway of the third story of my school, and I found room 307, the room to my Social Studies class. There was no teacher to greet me on my way in, so I took my seat. I was the first to enter the classroom, so I watched as the rest of the students filed into the room. I was a bit disappointed. None of them were my friends, however, I was acquaintances with some, and there were a few jocks who I knew were pretty entertaining, so I wasn't totally upset. And then... and then... the teacher entered the room. I heard murmurs of her before the beginning of the class amongst the jocks, who claimed she was "kinda hot" but little did I know that the woman who walked through the door--the thin, semi-tall, dark brown-haired, slightly long-nosed, geeky-looking lady--would change my life. She entered in and I immediately thought, "Hey, so it looks like this class won't be so bad after all, hehe." Fast forward to the beginning of my 9th grade year; I walked into my 1st hour not expecting much *to be continued* nothing slight out of the ordinary for a first day of school. And then it hit me. Like a two ton weight being thrown on my chest. The most pain I had ever felt. In an instant. The terrible pain of loss. The terrible pain of depression. I realized, that my 8th grade teacher, my Social Studies teacher, wouldn't be teaching me this year. And I cried. In front of my entire class. I ran out of the room to the Principle's office and cried for hours. I hadn't quite noticed, but this woman who had taught me for 200 days last year, who I was fond of, was subject to my love. I loved this woman. I loved her more than anything in the entire universe enhanced by a thousand million billion trillion times. I loved her so much. It wasn't love at first sight. It was gradual. All of the days of her lecturing, of her chatting with me after class, memories of a snorting laugh, memories of watching the news with her in homeroom with the rest of my class, realizations that she emotionally was so much like me, memories of her yelling at a disruptive student, recollections of her shyness that was just like mine. All of these things gradually combined in the cauldron of my heart to form a love stronger than anything I could ever imagine. A love I didn't even know existed until I realized I might never see this woman ever again in my life. And so here I am today. Nearing the conclusion of this semester, I am still faced with the same sense of loss. I love her so much. But I will never see her again. I am 14. She is 23. 9 years separates us. She has a boyfriend more deserving than I. I never will be with her, I don't doubt that. But I just want to see her again. I want to see here beautiful smile and her slightly crooked nose and hear her wonderful laugh... one more time. And I want to say to her, "Thank you." But I can't. She is gone. And I am so sad. I cry as I type this. I cry so much. My mother asks why, but I can't tell her. She wouldn't understand. You might say, "There are many other fishes in the sea," and there are. But not like her. She is the most unique, wonderful fish ever. I am an atheist, but I have no that anything but a God could have created such a wonderful thing. I can't explain it. I just miss her. I want to travel back to that first day. To be with her. For just one time more.