Lol, not fiancé yet! Getting it my head :)

I realize that it is rude to ask for money/gifts for weddings, but my understanding is that the payor is the top decision-maker. Because I haven't explicitly heard otherwise, I assume I'm paying for the wedding and reception, thus giving me top decision-making authority. However... When I talk to my future MIL about cost-driving decisions, I get the impression that she feels she has veto power, indicating that maybe they're paying for some stuff. However... They haven't expressly told me that they're paying for part/whole of the wedding, so I have to assume that I'm paying for it, therefore making me the top decision-maker. However... As previously stated, I get the impression I'm not at the top of the decision-chain, which would indicate that I'm not the main payor. Any suggestions on how to figure this out? I want to preserve my and the bride-to-be's relationship with my future in-laws, but I also want to assert myself if I'm expected to pay but not expected to have decision-making authority. My bride-to-be's parents are generally not pushy, and they don't have a history of overextending their boundaries with our relationship. If it is relevant, I think my future MIL paid for the dress. Also, this will be very inexpensive by wedding standards; probably $3,500 at the absolute ceiling, as we don't have to pay for the venue (using her church for wedding ~and~ reception) and the main cost drivers are invites and reception food.

First off, I know the size of the ring and it's color isn't important, it's the love that matters and yada yada yada. I just want an honest answer. I know nothing about rings and I don't want to get duped. I'm a middle class citizen that live comfortably and makes slightly above average for where he lives. So about 65k a year. I don't want to overspend but I also don't want her to wear something that looks like it's from a vending machine.