3 months into the relationship my boyfriend had me do a polygraph test asking if I had cheated on him for those 3 months, he got cheated on before and has trust issues. I got pissed at first but I thought I have nothing to hide so I'll do it. Joke is on me because I failed the test. But I never had sexual contact with anyone other than my boyfriend since we started our relationship and I didn't lie during the test. I was tied to a chair for over 2.5 hours, where I couldn't move, shallow or take my eyes out of the spot I had pick in the beginning of the test, I was honestly freaking out, with stress, worry and having a million of thoughts going through my mind. After failing the test my boyfriend didn't believe me at first and I showed him thousands of reports and researches proving that psychopaths can pass the test even when they lie and people telling the truth fail. We fought, broke up but after a while he told me he believed me and that test was not accurate most of the time. Now 8 months later and two weeks after he propose to me and me saying yes. He told me he wouldn't marry me until I admitted that I cheated on him and that the polygraph was right. So basically he never believed me and was in a relationship with me without trusting that I never cheated. I said I never sexually cheated on him and he said he wanted another polygraph test. Obviously I refused because I hadn't done anything before and I failed so I would fail again, he sees that as me not wanting to get caught and it's not about that I'm saying the truth and it's really frustrated not having a way to prove since I failed the first polygraph. So he broke off the engagement and said he never wanted to see me again. I freaked out and made a really stupid decision, he said that if I admitted he would forgive me no more lying detector tests and we would start fresh. I made up a story and I said I had cheated in order not to lose him. He kept pushing me for more and saying that he knew there was more times and at that point I had already made up the first one so I kept going until he was happy, he basically direct me into what he wanted to hear and I just followed. I know what I did was really stupid, but I love him so much and I didn't want to lose him so I lied. He forgave me, said that we were fine and we would get married. I got home and couldn't sleep, I was feeling so disgusted with myself for making up those stories in order to not lose my fiancé and to validate his gut feeling, yes that's all he has a failed polygraph test where I was saying the truth and his gut feeling that I cheated no actually proof. I texted him and said that I had lied and that I never cheated on him, he obviously didn't believe me and call me crazy, bipolar, etc ... Its so frustrating that I always said the truth throughout our relationship and I was faithful, but he doesn't believe me. I have way more to lose here than him, I'm an aupair and my year is ending in March if we don't stay together, I will have to leave US. I have all the reasons to say whatever I have to stay with him, but I couldn't. I rather lose it all but at least be with a clean conscience and know that I didn't start my marriage based on a lie. Why can't he see that? That I have no reason to keep insisting that I didn't cheat other than that being the truth. If I kept lying I would be with him, get married and live happy ever after. Like this I lose everything. There is no hope for this relationship right?

He has pictures of us all over his Instagram and Facebook because he will often show me his comments/likes on our pictures. However, he doesn't want to add me as a Facebook friend or allow me on his Instagram. This seems like a red flag to me. Just a few minutes ago, he made me get up and leave the room because he was resetting his Facebook password for our new HD television. Another example is he has my iPhone password but I can't have his. if he loves me so much why is he hiding social media and passwords? I don't want a secretive marriage.