I've never had friends. colleagues did not like me because I had bad opinions from the previous school and I was not much entertainment (I was sitting with a small child). Someone once told me that I will not have a husband because I do not drink alcohol. I have always dreamed about my family since I was 18 years old. I arrange for a long time on the Internet, but nobody wanted me - my heart crashed in half. I met one boy and we were moments - I have schizophrenia - I got a delusion and I left. he did not try to get me back and I was not surprised. then during the delusion I met another 2 days and sex with him - he was terrible for me but I'm very lonely - I will never go where I met him because I'm afraid. he treated me so badly ... I wanted to come back to the one who gave me some warmth but he treated me worse than a rag. he slept and left. I broke down and again I could not find anyone. in the meantime I heard that he wants to marry me. I thought he would die with happiness but he, after promises, changed his mind. I idealized him, his behavior and strength of feeling. it's the only thing that I've had in my life - so short ... I wrote to him, I called, I apologized and I lost my respect for myself. I feel cheated . he let his friend taunt me when I thought he was(my illness) I would forgive everything for a little love and be ashamed of myself. Will I be happy again? my parents hate him for my tears and humiliation.I would like it too, it's so sad. . he sleeps with another but I've only had him in my entire life. I do not trust him but I need him. will I still have milisc and respect? I am 26 years old - I am average but not ugly. my dad looks for my husband - I pray that he will find and he was good to me - I remember every little bit of heat because people usually have a heart in my face. I ask a tarot every day and he says: never go ahead. And this is my only hope! if I'm stace it will really kill myself. and no - I will not live alone because I am a mother - I will take my life. no one will even bother. Why do people me like me for them with my heart? should I go to therapy? I have obsessions and delusions on his broken promises. the remains of the heart were cracking