I am extremely shy and have no idea how to talk to boys. At school I am not so welcome and they  treat me like s*** so it's not that I have had a normal experience with them. With him it's even harder, because he sells things, looks always sad, even if you ask him something about what he sells he just answers: I don't know, you should take a look yourself. Anyway, his personality doesn't help, he would stare at me for seconds but then never talks. The only time he was somehow different was when I was going to be hit by a truck cause I had my headphones on and he screamed and at the last time grabbed by hand, saved me but also got mad, scolded me and dragged my arm acting like he was a parent. He must be between 17/20, I am 14. I like him so much but I dont even know where he comes from he's blond and blue eyed, but not like a typical english white guy. I bet he's from eastern europe but cant understand from where exactly. I heard him speaking with a fat bald man who scolded him and hit a bit his neck but cant understand the language  at all. A friend of his was not as good looking as him, had black hair and a beard.he has no beard, short hair, sharp features, ice blue eyes tall, slim and his hands are always purple or red. His face is always sad or thoughtful. I like him so much but I got scared caise he always seem so disturbed by me trying to talk to him. He stares at me and then he acts like he can't bear me.

Me and my friends have our own band I'm the lead singer we sing everything from country to rock we even have songs of our own. One of my friends asked me if we can sing I Can Only Imagine in memory for her daughter who was just born but died shortly after. I love to do that one but it brings me to tears every time I watched the movie I cried like a baby during the movie. I never knew that kind of stuff could happen to famous people to. I don't even know the band Mercy Me that well except for that one song it's been played a lot of my family funerals. We played it at my cousin's funeral who passed this spring it was her favorite song too. I don't know if I can sing it without tearing up we're doing our concert on Tuesday. Is it ok to cry while performing ? 

She is not crazy just traumatized, as she was a child she was hit and bullied by kids because she was an immigrant (although white). She saw that in her family christian kids from mixed marriages were better treated than her, even her grandma made differences. It got even worse during the years at school and in her family. She told me this while having a mental breakdown and I comforted her, while she was resting on my arm and I was wiping her tears away she looked at me, stopped my hand and said 'you suck too, you dirty christian. I should have never fallen for you. You ruined my life. If I had known that you were a christian, I wouldn't have fallen for you. I hate you. I hate you all'. I was at loss if words but I felt so sorry. I didn't even reacted to the word. It didn't hurt me (at least not in the way I thought). I was mad cause it's all coming in our love. I still love her. I also feel compassion for her. But this makes me understand why she didn't want me to touch her hand, or touch her face, or any sort of physical contact. She was hit by many racist kids. Maybe she thinks I am as mean as them, who knows. What am I going to do? Love  doesnt go away, it's not a simple date or hook up that you can get over. It doesn't work like this. Even if we break up it's gonna hurt for a long time. I will always think about her tears, her scared face while I try to wipe her tears. That 'you suck' and thay insult. No one left me bitter like that.