My mom's family has a history of toxicity - she doesn't talk to her brother, so she's fins with the fact that me and my sister haven't spoken in a year (because we're 20 years apart in age and a LOT of conflict has arisen). My sister and I have had horrible words and I'm waiting for her to mature and realize she's lost the only sibling she has. My mother also never had a good relationship with HER mother, so she's carrying on the same pattern with me. I've tried being close to my mom and opening up to her, but her responses to me are always cold/distant and disconnected. Why is she accepting that out family is floating apart because her family had the same issues? I can't include my father in this "toxic" pattern, as he passed away 7 years ago and hasn't been around to witness this downward spiral :( If it's acceptable to have NO family because we all drift apart, where are today's sense of family values??

I have a masters degree. So, yes, I'm smart. I'm actually doing beauty pageants too

So I'm a 30 year old single guy with no kids. I've lived in the south my entire life, I went to college here, I'm aware of the culture, it's pretty much all I know. Having said that, I always thought I would be better off far from here. I hated growing up in a small rural town and I kind of resented my mother for raising us here. There is nothing but poverty and no opportunity. As an adult I have moved away every chance I got, but I keep getting pulled back here, mostly because I miss my family. If you would have asked me 5 years ago, was staying close to family a priority for me I would have said no, not at all. But with my mother aging, and times harder than ever, I want to stay closer to them, at least within a couple hours drive. But there is still a part of me that wants to pick up and move to the pacific northwest, or Chicago or some other place I see as better than here. For those of you that have moved far away, to a different area of the country, with a different culture, did it affect your happiness? Did you find that as you got older, staying close to family became more important? Did the unfamiliarity of a new culture affect you in a negative way?

Back in school when I used to come home he told all my stuff away until he made sure that I studied for an hour and a half. Now that I'm living by myself he would call me to make sure I'm studying and sometimes he even video chat me to make sure I'm on the books. How to make him know that I'm the one who's responsible for my education and future ?

My mother has a similar sister and so we don't speak to her (the sister of my Mom's).

Her father was an alcoholic and she held grudges against everybody for it in her family of origin. I was banned by my mother from family activities that her family was at and that wounded me so much growing up. But in the last 10 years my mom has softened greatly since her father's recovery and he died last year. My mom is really good now but I'm still so hurt by what she did. I missed out on so much family bonding in childhood. How do I forgive and forget?

I live with my parents and older brother. My mom is easily aggravated. Not a single thing can go wrong or she will become enraged or cry for hours. Like not being able to find something she needs at the store or a typical bad day. The way she acts its like the people at the store deliberately didn't stock what she needed. My dad drinks though he has been cutting down. What he thinks and says goes and nothing you say will make him change his mind, he will get into yelling matches and do spiteful stuff in revenge if you keep arguing with him. My brother like me is fed up with their behavior. But unlike me who wants to do things to avoid fights he'll go out of his way to do things he knows will anger our parents. "Why do we have to walk on egg shells in our own house? We're both in our 20's and work." I've done by best to stop fights. Clean up things before my mom notices. Stop a conversation topic that I know will lead to a fight, race to the train to avoid having delays effect me best I can. Watch what and how I say things. I've canceled trips with friends because I know my mom will get upset, my dad will freak because he's overprotective and their arguing about it will make my brother mad. So I've always said no to invitations and never brought them up. I've cut the arguments down on my end like this. But how do I do this with my family. Prevent them from doing things that bother the others without them realizing I'm doing stuff in the background to influence it? Please do not answer with a "You can't stop them from fighting." or "Talk with them." I've tried to talk with them. But they refuse, my brother for what I stated in the post and my parents refuse because in their own words "He/She is wrong and I'm not backing down. Deal with it." I have had an effect on my end to curb the fighting. I just need some way to alter their behavior without my influence being noticeable. If your wondering why I bother with trying to do this with how my family is, its because family is important to me. I want to get us to a point where there are arguments but not as frequent as they are and are just normal disagreements compared to the hours of yelling they are. I don't mind putting in most or all of the work if it means it will lead to fewer fights and my family alienating themselves when the time comes that me and my brother move out.

I am living at home temporarily with my parents. My dad has always teased to show affection, but as I get older, I grow uncomfortable. He does things like slapping or pinching me on the butt, pulling the zippers or ties on my clothes, making sexual jokes constantly, tickling me, making comments about me gaining wait, and doing things as an excuse to touch me. Months ago I made a joke about walking around the house in my underwear, (which I don t do as I know it would make my brothers feel awkward). He is constantly asking when I will be "brave" enough to do it. He used to even walk in on me in the shower during high school, but stopped doing that. My family has plans to go out of town, but he can t go. He keeps trying to convince me to stay home so we can "party" and get drunk, and rent a hotel room at a casino to celebrate my 21st birthday. I don t drink or party, I have nothing against those who do, it s just not my lifestyle, but he WILL NOT stop bringing it up. I don t know how to tell him I am not comfortable going, especially if he will be drunk, without hurting him. I have tried to talk to him before, but he gets extremely upset and withdrawn. I don t want to make unnecessary accusations, but I hate feeling this uncomfortable all the time. (He has also gotten in trouble at all his jobs for sexually inappropriate things with women coworkers, has cheated on my mom, and flirts with everyone). Is my fear justified, or am I just being paranoid?

I've said it before and I'll say it again, the hardest part of having a large family is dealing with people who make rude and nasty comments towards large families ... those who look down upon large families. My wife and I are Catholic and believe that children are a blessing. We do not believe in using birth control because we believe that the primary purpose of marriage is procreation. We put all of our trust in God. My wife and I have 9 kids together. A few days ago our son was outside playing outside. He was on the sidewalk in front of the house next door. Then, I find out that some jerky cop called CPS on my wife and I. I just can't believe this! There is no crime in letting kids play outside. Our kids know better to not play out in the street. It's crazy that people today expect us to hover over our kids every minute and second! Why do so many people look down upon large families?

But hadn't hurt any children (yet?)

A classic middle eastern female story!! I'm 26, I got a really good position in a city that locates far a way from where I live. My dad is not around, so my brothers are having the upper hand in deciding whether or not to leave. My mom is using emotional blackmailing. I'm just desperate seeing my whole future decided by anyone but me. They aren't even willing to discuss that with me? What should I do?

He's divorced but the kids still see him.

How do you talk to family members who have poor communication skills regarding relationships? The elders will criticize everyone, but won't self reflect or respect boundaries or acknowledge their part in hurting the relationship with their adult children/adult grandchildren/adult nieces and nephews etc. I've tried lovingly telling them that I appreciate they care, but their nit picking and insistence to know and control the details of our adult lives is inappropriate. This offended them greatly that they no longer want to talk to me. I want to honour and respect them, but feel like I shouldn't have to show them honour and respect by allowing them to disrespect me. I'm at a total loss. I want to connect with them, not be put down and bossed around. I want to honour them like the Bible says. I don't get how when they seem to require an infantilized submission in order to interact. How can I talk to them with honour and respect for them, but not allowing the other stuff to affect me?

So I found out recently that my friend sleeps in the same bed as her brothers. I know her home only has 2 bedrooms and one is for her parents and the other for her grandma. Shes 19 and I'm also wondering why she hasn't moved out. She claims that it's a cultural thing, shes mexican. She says if she moves our she'll probably still spend more time at her parents house more often than not. Also she says that it helps with the burden of paying her own tuition. Why cant she save her money and move out and then her parents help her with tuition. This is my situation and it works. Back to the issue the other day she was complaining that she was sick of sharing bed with her little brothers (9,12) and little sister (7) and I found that so awkward like how do you still share beds? She said that it's something you have to learn to live with when theres not a lot of space and nobody wants to sleep on the floor. I just found this super wrong idk but I feel uncomfortable knowing this. I feel shes old enough to move out and should. It shouldn't really be difficult plus it's always good to be more independent

Now you probably gonna be like omg she's your mom, my mom is actually a psycho. 1. She's verbally and physically abusive to me and my dad. She will say the most hurtful things to my dad or me, and yes she will hit us. For example, once she was "late for work" and she started yelling at my dad and calling him a ***** and stuff. My older sister told her to calm down, and she slapped my dad and then my sister started shouting at her. And my mom got all quiet and then she started yelling. She's got hurt by the truth, that she's a big bully and a *****. She blames everyone for her mistakes, and she's been doing this forever. She's called my dad ugly, stupid, useless, ***** and many more. She's one of the reasons why my eating disorder was caused, she fat shames my sister when clearly my sister has a lot of muscle. She's hit me multiple times when I was younger and sometimes now, for the stupidest things, for example, if I shaved my legs for the second time, apparently that's bad she will hit me. There's so much more, I don't love my mom, I hate her. And yes everyone has talked to her, tried to get her into therapy etc. So what should I do?

He betrayed his family horribly there and beyond even worse but it was ten years before I was born. His father's cancer death was linked to my Dad's flunking out of UCLA and the devastation it caused my father.

I've already tried to tell him thru text that I can't afford to give him any money for rent bc I'm working a job and I need to save up too. When I told him that he still insisted I give him the money. It's like I can't go or stay anywhere bc no matter where I go or to my sisters house they ask for money for rent too. Doesn't my family understand I can't be giving rent money every month or all the dang time bc I need to save up too and only get paid a certain amount every other Friday's?

She belittles all of my problems and when she doesn't respond negatively she just responds with "Ok," or "stop bothering me." I can't talk to her about my emotional problems and my stress with college and she always makes me feel worse. I can't even call her a mother, she is a complete stranger who doesn't even know me at this point.

My daughter is in college. The college is 100 miles away. She is sharing an apartment with 3 other girls. She ask me how I thought she should get around and go the grocery store and other places as there is no public transportation where she is staying. I ask her if any of the other girls at the apartment had a car and she checked and none did. They told her they will use a bike to get around. She wanted me to buy her a bike. I told her with the high cost of tuition, books, and her apartment, it might be a used bike. She visited my dad and mom last weekend and she talked to them about the problem she would have getting around at college and that I planned to buy her a bike. My dad told her that he used to be an ambulance driver and he had picked up MANY people that had be hit on their bike by a car. He said the bike driver was usually DEAD or severely injured in a car bike accident. He was going to get her something safer than a bike to use at college. He then took her to a car dealer and bought her a new Kia Soul so she would be safe. She thinks she has the greatest grandpa in the world now. I am not sure how I feel about this. Dad did not buy me a new car when I went to college. Is dad trying to make me look bad to my daughter because I could not afford to buy her any car let alone a new one or is he concerned about her safety on a bike. How should I feel about what my dad did?

My mom is an alcoholic she drinks every day. When she gets drunk she starts shaking and she moves slowly you cannot understand her if she's smoking she drops her cigarette and it takes her forever to pick it up. It's like she's moving in slow motion. If she drinks some water she goes back to normal and continues to drink. What is this? I've heard it could be an alcoholic seizure.

I've noticed it happens in most families. If my little sister would start kicking me I would retaliate by pushing her or kicking her back. My parents would always ground me while she wouldn't get any type of punishment. We were only 3 years apart! Now that we're both in college and away from home. I see the same cycle with my younger siblings. My 10 and 13-year-old sisters mess with my 15-year-old brother and if he retaliates in any way. He'll get the worst punishment just by being a boy and older. Why do parents do this? Shouldn't the person that instigated the situation should be punished worse? Parents: what do you do when this stuff happens do you favor the younger ones? Be honest!

Better than cousins, even?

So Ive been friends with this girl for almost 16 years. So I invited her to spend acouple of days with me in my family s summer house and it was terrible. She didn t clean and she was very very messy. It was like taking care of a child. I hated every single minute of it. Oh and she didn t pay for anything. I was buying the food and Literally everything we needed and she never payed unless I told her to. She now wants to move in with me. She thinks I don t pay rent because I live in an apartment owned by my parents, but I work part-time while studying and I pay for everything. I don t want to live with her. She not clean and she s spoiled rotten. She expects me to cook, clean and basically do all the chores while she lives rent free in my apartment. I don t know how to tell her I don t want to live with her, but she knows I m looking for a flatmate. I need to tell her I don t want to travel with her or live with her nicely

I can't deal with this anymore My girlfriend of 3 years dumped me and got with someone else I have no job and no one wants to hire me (I applied everywhere) My parents disown me and probably forgot about me And school is the only place I really get to eat so im hungry most of the time The only place I have to stay is at my friends house right now, but I don't want to be a burden on him or his family How can I help get my life back together? Im at my lowest right now and could use any advice I could get.

I find it odd, I'm in my mid-twenties & he's only in his teens.

I don't like my brother He is great at a lot of things and I admit that. It's just i want to be good at something to and he set the bar very high i can't get perfect report card 100% A's or i can't run a mile in 4 minutes He likes to mess with me he gives me things because he feels sorry for me. He gave money he was saving for college because he didn't need it anymore i didn't need his money (is 16 thousand dollars alot?). He has been offered 15 full paid scholarships to go to college. 7 of his scholarships are just because his grades and the rest are for his ability to run. My mom told us we should bond so, three years now we've shared a bed and he gives me the cover so, I kick him off the bed so, now he sleeps on the floor. My friends think he's cool and he's really not. Am I being mean

I'm 17 years old and he still thinks he needs to snoop around my room. He took away my vape juice 3 months ago and said "this is the first step to ruining your life" and he sounded like he was about to cry when he said it. Like what the f*ck it's literally just vape juice he acts like I'm on crack. My truck has a problem where the engine overheats after a while so we have to put antifreeze in it. I'm never allowed to drive it anywhere but work and every time I'm about to leave he yells "Don't take the truck!" As if he has to tell me again for the millionth time. It's just so d@mn annoying. I can't even sit in the drive through at McDonald's because he's terrified that it's going to overheat and the engine will blow up. McDonald's is literally 2 minutes from my house, too. He claims it's had the problem since we got it 6 months ago (however we didn't find out about it until after 3 months of owning it) I would take it all over town and on the highway and everything and never had a single problem. But apparently it's unusable once we find out there's something wrong with it. I feel like he just doesn't want me to drive it for some reason. He always comes into my room at the worst times possible without knocking. I can't tell you how many times I've almost been caught jerking off because he doesn't knock. My mom knows how to give me my space, though. Anyone else have a father/mother who is this annoying?

Not to long ago I had a big falling out and basically gave my sister the middle finger and packed a truck back to my hometown in Atlanta where my parents are going to help me get situated into a condo. Anyways, I am greatful for the fact she let me live there for so long even though it was not peaches and cream all the time and I would do favors for my sister and brother-in-law like cut the grass and ****. Anyhow, I moved out as I couldn't handle her intrusiveness any longer and needed to feel like a man a homeless man, but a man nonetheless. Now she acts as if I owe her money or some **** when there was nothing that mentioned money in the contract we both signed. I love her, but she is off her rocker if she thinks I owe her anything more than a Thank You. Besides she fails to see what a psychological toll living there has done on me. I have been unable to hold down an official job for so long while living there because every time she saw I was starting to become successful she thought she was all the sudden entitled to a portion of my paycheck...forget that. So it was just easier to work long distance with my fathers firm off and on and make a paycheck to buy groceries and stuff. I feel as if my sister has crippled my life and has done irreparable psychological damage in life and now she thinks I owe her back rent. She is straight up in denial that she misses me, and I don't want to speak with her after she threatened to call the police on me when I left.

My aunt and i have a special bond, although majority of the time we talk rough to each other and are not very loving and affectionate with words. We are super close though... my aunt was talking with her friend in the room and her friend said "you have a lot of monkeys (grandkids) in your life" and my aunt says infront of me "shes my most favroite monkey of all of them, my little monkey" and she point at me. I thought it was nice but why would she say something so nice to me? Again, we are usually not huge on affectionate loving words with each other, why would she say that?

Basically my mom and I recently got into an argument where my dad had taken me and my mom out to drive... only I was the one driving. (I'm 17 btw on my way to get a license) It was my first time driving my mom anywhere... and When I was driving my parents around, my mom kept having uneasy panic attacks and asking me to switch with my dad even though everything was going fine. This made ME feel uneasy and VERY VERY offended because I believe in myself and my driving and SHE, MY OWN MOTHER did not. Not only that, but ever since I was growing up my mother NEVER had faith in me. Everytime I'd want to try something new she'd always pull me back away from it because she thinks its "dangerous" for example, if I wanted to go for wrestling or boxing, she'd be afraid of it and stop me. Years of her doing this made ME fear everything. Because of her, I'm scared of any challenge I face and I yelled at her for it. she bawled her eyes out because its true and she deserved every drop of it. She always keeps trying to laugh it off and blames it on her thyroid disease that she so and so claims affects her mood. But even before her disease she would never let me go out with my friends in fear of danger... My dad told me that with my mom's bloodline, everyone is always scared and I'm trying SOO hard not to be like my mom. But ever since I yelled at her we haven't talked and I feel guilty even though she deserved all of it. How do I get rid of my guilt without apologizing?

They keep telling me there "chosen". But I'm actually curious why they're unwanted and who gave them away.

My mother and I got into an argument, and she was mocking me,screaming, and yelling at me. After I tried to explain myself, many times, she still wouldn t understand. I was so angry that i hit her. It was just a slap, and she started crying. I don t get why she was so offended, because she hits me all the time, much harder than I did. She started screaming and yelling that she would tell my teachers, my dad, and my principal that I hit her, and that I need to be taken out of all my honors and AP classes because I m dumb and disrespectful. I just can t understand she was so mad, because she has hit me since I was seven, and even though I m stronger than her and could easily hurt her, I don t. Maybe I m being stupid and I m in the wrong? Was that okay for me to do?

Two days ago I stopped smoking, and yesterday morning, I ate a whole box of granola cereal, and a whole box of oats, an omelette made with a whole dozen eggs, and ham and cheese. Yesterday afternoon, I ate a 50 ounce london broil steak.. and a mix of two whole large cans of spinach, two whole large cans of Turnip greens, two whole large cans of mustard greens, and three whole large cans of black beans, mixed together.. And a whole deep dish square pizza, half sausage, half pepperoni. For dinner yesterday evening, I ateanother 50 pounce london broil, and a pound of spaghetti... Today for breakfast, I ate another 50 ounce london broil... and a whole tub of ice cream. Then I carried the sectional sofa that my sister bought up three flights of stairs... Then I carried home a whole months' supply of groceries for 3 people, 2 miles home from the grocery store. Brian Shaw's cousin. :)

I'm 30 now. When I was 18 (12) years ago, I was good friends with a guy and I fell in love with one of his sisters. His family was sort of like the family I never had. Well at least in my mind anyways. I told my friend how I felt about his sister and I guess he took it in a negative light and I'm not sure why. I looked at as if it worked out with his sister him and I could be brother in laws and it would bring us closer. We'd basically be family. I truly loved his sister with all my heart and now this whole family hates me. Can you tell me why? I have not talked to them in years but I miss them dearly but I dont feel like I did anything wrong :(

Currently I've been stressed due to working a 12 hour shift during my holidays non stop to save up to pay for my college loans. So I just got back from a part time job and I can't purchase anything outside other than convenience stores food items which is a long distance away from where I live at the moment because it's 3 in the morning so I took some frozen food which isn't mine from the fridge to preheat so I can at least eat something.. So my step sister apparently was still awake and caught me taking her food and she got mad and told me that I could've at least asked before I took her food. And I told her that I thought she was asleep due to her doors being closed and locked, the light are off, I was going to pay her back in the morning if she is going to feel a certain type of way. She felt like my response to taking her stuff was rude so she took the frozen fries and dump in on the floor after feeling agitated about it. I then got really mad and told her that it's not a big fking deal(The F word pissed her off even more) because she borrowed my stuff without asking as well. And then things went really bad from there and she got in my face and threatened me to hit her.. I shoved her back and we fought which led to me hitting her in the face twice. And now she won't even wanna hear an apology from me. I'm definitely out of line for what I did and I feel bad not just for hitting her but for letting myself go to the extend of violence What can I do at this point?

My 23 year old son lives with my husband and I and he recently had his 2nd child with a girl. He has another baby by another girl who is now 2.5 years old. My son only brought her to our house once during her pregnancy. The day she had the baby my, my husband, and my mom (great-grandmother) went to the hospital to see the little girl. We then were officially introduced to the mother then. That was almost 2 months ago. Since then my son has been asking to come get his daughter and bring her to our house for a visit if for nothing more than a weekend. The mother said she doesn't really know us so she's a little fearful of letting her child come to our house. My husband said that he understands that she may not know us but it's not as important that she know us than it is the baby know who her grandparents are. The girl won't even let the father, my son, come get the baby for a little while. She wants to set up possibly supervised visits with us until she's comfortable letting us take the baby by ourselves. Again, my son lives with us so she trusted him enough to have unprotected sex with him but doesn't trust him enough to let him come get his daughter for a little while. I'm not even talking about an overnight visit. She won't even allow just a few hours on a Sat. I know grandparents don't have visitation rights but what about the father? Can she keep the baby from him simply because he lives with his parents and she doesn't know us that well?

Dad is scared of my uncle for some reason. Uncle is mean and he is cheating on his wife. Uncle said few bad words about mom but mom and me arent scared.

I want her to see how GREEDY she is.

So my mom is in the process of getting a divorce from my narcissist father who has caused emotional damage to our family throughout the years. The divorce is not completely final but my mom seems to think it is. I did something any daughter would do and SNOOPED around because she was acting weird and her "gym" times seemed to be extending. Came to the conclusion that she's been fooling around with a 27-28 year old, sending pics, messages, and meeting up. Now I completely understand that she's been emotionally/physically alone for a very long time because of how my dad was. So I understand how she's probably feeling right now. What's bothering me is if this actually gets serious. She seems to have feelings for him but by their messages he doesn't seem to be as engaged as her and she obviously doesn't see that right now. My biggest fear is her actually considering a REAL future with this guy. I've never had a real father figure in my life and I would like to. My dream is for my mom to eventually marry a wonderful man that can finally be the father our family has never had. And I can't have my step dad be a couple years older than me. Maybe I'm thinking way too ahead but I'm really paranoid. I can't take holding it in anymore, but I'm way too embarrassed to bring this up to her. I hate his guts for using her (for her body only) at a time when she's so vulnerable. I just need some guidance right now, even if it's from strangers. Thanks I'm 22 btw so I'm disgusted